The weather outside today is bright, humid, hot and sticky - you’d think I’d be grateful to be inside in the air-conditioning. But I’ve been waiting all afternoon for the chance to go home, change into shorts, kick off my shoes, wiggle my bare toes and lay in the grass. I want to let the hot sun bake some of this weariness from my bones (with an appropriate coating of sunscreen, of course!). I want to soak in enough sunshine that the poisonous thoughts won’t have room to breathe. I’ve escaped to the outdoors as much as possible today, on pretense of getting mail, recycling boxes, or opening my car windows when it looked as though we wouldn’t be getting any more rain, and each time it’s been very difficult to return to the cool, dry indoors. I’m certainly glad that I didn’t have to work in the heat and humidity, because it would have made it difficult to focus - it’s exactly that inability to concentrate on anything else that I’m looking forward to, a distraction from the bog of obsessive thinking I get stuck in so easily.

Another thing that I plan to do when I get home? Stare at some bugs. Somehow, nothing seems quite so heavy when I get down real close to the earth and watch the ants and beetles and butterflies going about their business. It puts things in perspective: my concerns seem less weighty in the grand scope of the universe, where trees and insects and grass and clouds and stones have existences that are far removed from the petty dramas of human life.